To Bridezilla, or not to Bridezilla?
That IS the question on today's blog. I got married in July last year, so this time last year, with 3 months to go, it really felt like crunch time before the big day. Even with two years of planning, there's a lot of the fine tuning and small details you can't really do until closer to the time. It's frustrating, but that's the way it is. For me, the last 3 months actually brought new ideas, changes and even new suppliers (goodbye, budget!). I work in the wedding industry so I'm constantly surrounded by images of new trends, ideas and fads. So much has changed since I got engaged almost 3 years ago - I don't know if I'm just more woke to it now, but I feel like the industry is shifting and the array of choice can be blinding at times. So how do you avoid getting overwhelmed whilst planning your wedding? Is being a bridezilla your get out of jail free card?
A wedding is a huge logistical nightmare - oops - I mean a huge logistical challenge and it's not easy to juggle multiple suppliers whilst sorting out the needs of many other people alongside your own. Whether it's choosing dresses for your bridal party, sorting accommodation or even tackling the dreaded seating plan, there is a lot of expectation on you from other people - and it can be pretty stressy. I thought I'd got it all sussed, but the most challenges for me came in that 3 months before. I was let down by suppliers, had to find new suppliers (for example finding a florist with weeks to spare!) and it was in those moments I realised I was lucky to be getting married on a weekday in July - if I'd have been getting married on a Saturday I would have had to kiss my bouquet goodbye! I make veils, so you'd think I'd have my veil sorted - but every one I made wasn't quite right, I kept changing my mind, I lost sight of my vision a few times (again, blinded by choice) and I didn't end up completing my veil 'til a few weeks before the day itself. I even ended up getting myself an evening outfit - thanks Meghan Markle for the inspo - and I added off the shoulder straps to my day dress - as if I wasn't busy enough.
I did get stressed, I'm not going to lie, but I also decided not to go into full blown bridezilla mode - why? I hear you ask: Would it benefit anyone if I threw a hissy fit? Nope. Would it solve the problems I was facing if I was a complete bitch? Nope. Did I want to look back and see it as an unenjoyable, stressful time in my life? Nope. Would being vile to someone make me feel better? Nope. I only ever want to do this once, so although there was pressure to do it right and do it well, it was more important to me to enjoy the ride.
I will say it's a great time for learning who your real friends are - and there are people who will totally pull through for you, making up tenfold for those few who let you down.The other thought that I focused on was that when it comes down to it, really it's about the marriage, not the wedding. I've been with my partner almost 10 years, so although it's lovely to be married, I knew we were destined regardless, so whatever happened on the day was neither here nor there. We chose to get married in a church, and I'm glad we did as we had multiple meetings with our vicar in the run-up, and I feel those meetings and attending church helped us to focus on the true meaning of the day. Not that I'm overly religious, but I would say that I'm spiritual and I found going to church very mindful and grounding. It puts things into perspective and makes you realise what's important in the grand scheme of things.
I recently asked on my Insta stories for advice from you guys about how to keep your wellbeing in check whilst wedding planning. My good friend Fay popped up with an answer first - a simple 'ELOPE!' And from her New York elopement story here on the blog you can totally see why. Eliminate the stress & pressure of others by simply running away and not inviting them! My sister-in-law and boss babe Zara of RDLux jewellery said 'Communicate with your other half - make it your day together as it's the first big achievement you'll make as a married couple'. I couldn't agree more, it's such a huge project management task and the feeling when you pull it off, regardless of what may have not gone to plan, is pure elation. If you can survive that without bride/groomzilla-ing at each other, I think you can survive anything. One of my oldest friends, and a W Collective bride Fae offered a good question to keep in mind 'Did I notice the thing I'm worried about at someone else's wedding?' The answer... Probably not! Don't sweat the small stuff - nobody cares or will probably remember what your table names were, what wine you chose or if your timings of the day were slightly off - in fact, I didn't offer a timeline of events for the day to my guests, so then nothing could technically run late (top tip for you there, girls)! The only thing your guests will remember is the pure love you have for each other... Hopefully.
So to conclude, my argument would be that bridezilla-ing really isn't worth it, hun. Although I may have found it momentarily rewarding to throw a phone at someone, Naomi Campbell style, my future sensitive Pisces self in hindsight would have been mortified by that kind of behaviour for a lifetime. Remember, things will go wrong, and that's ok! My garter fell down as I was walking down the aisle - did anyone know? No! Most people will only know that from reading this blog! Many things will be a blessing in disguise - our flower fiasco led us to a new supplier who did our flowers for less than half of what we were originally quoted, saving us a few hundred pounds. When I look back, I see nothing but joy and elation on the day, even with stressful things happening behind the scenes. I say stressful - some of the things are quite comical to look back on now and make for funny stories when I reminisce with family & friends. That is life, and you have to have a little rough to truly appreciate the smooth. Oh and it helps you to appreciate your honeymoon too - nothing felt as lush as the solstice of a 10 hour flight with my phone on airplane mode after 48 hours of intense socialising!